Jokes & Fun

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Crazy Escimo
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Jokes & Fun

Post by Crazy Escimo » Thu Oct 16, 2008 2:50 am

oki kids, heres the reason why you pay attention in classes:

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

:lol:

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Metus
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Location: Goldsboro, NC

Re: Jokes & Fun

Post by Metus » Thu Oct 16, 2008 5:10 am

LOL, ewww.

Metus
Fear me. I come with the night.

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Metus
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Location: Goldsboro, NC

Re: Jokes & Fun

Post by Metus » Thu Oct 16, 2008 5:25 am

Anger Management Planning

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don't know. It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed.

A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I realized that I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. This time, when the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I really felt a lot better for the experience!

Therefore, I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it and put it in my wallet.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day at work, I would stop at a pay phone on the way home, I'd call his number and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always managed to cheer me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in receiving the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and yelled, "That's because you're an asshole!"

Then my life changed. One day, I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. That's when I noticed the "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling Asshole Number One, I thought I should call BMW Asshole, too.

I asked, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is." he answered.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don" he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Sure,....?"

"Don, you're an asshole."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my Feel Better Anger Management Plan list, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to choose from or I could call both depending on how upset I felt.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole Number One and our conversation went as follows:

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But this time I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yup," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don and you're an asshole! "

"Yeah? Where do you live?!" he screamed.

"Well Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Asshole."

Then, I called BMW Asshole.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"

"You'll what?" I asked.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 3 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two Assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better. Having an Anger Management Plan really works.

Metus
Fear me. I come with the night.

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Crazy Escimo
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Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 2:01 pm

Re: Jokes & Fun

Post by Crazy Escimo » Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:29 pm

:lol: that was pretty fun :)

Dil
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Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2008 3:54 pm

Re: Jokes & Fun

Post by Dil » Thu Oct 16, 2008 2:32 pm

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO and gross at the same time..eww

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Ariana
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Re: Jokes & Fun

Post by Ariana » Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:07 pm

rofl

good one, metus
Bang Bang

Hood
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Jokes & Fun

Post by Hood » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:23 am

not many jokes on here is there? :?

Hood
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:02 pm

Re: Jokes & Fun

Post by Hood » Sat Nov 29, 2008 2:57 pm

ok I got a joke

A man get his penis burnt and goes to the doctor. the doctor tells him to put it into a cold saucer of milk. when his dumb wife finds him dipping his penis into a saucer of milk in the kitchen she says "oh so thats how you reload those things"

classic ;)

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